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My First Joint

Submitted by on April 1, 2012 – 11:11 pmNo Comment
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My First Joint

My First Joint

In a highly anticipated move, the president of the United States Barack Obama announced an immediate cessation of the so called “War on Drugs” and the de-criminalization of a long list of controlled substances. Speaking in a White House press conference held at 1 pm, the commander in chief outlined his policy for de-criminalization. The first step of the process will include the beginning of an eventual dissolution of the federal Drug Enforcement Administration, and the introduction of a comprehensive bill to fully legalize the cultivation and sale of Marijuana products. The president also spoke on the need to rehabilitate the hundreds of thousands of individuals incarcerated for drug offenses, and promised to use his executive pardon powers to expedite their release.

“I believe that the individual pursuit of happiness is a fundamental principle that this country is built upon,” the President announced during his address, “and that every US citizen has the inherent right to choose the course of their endeavors, even if those actions carry a risk of self-harm. This is part of the foundation of our social contract, and the bedrock of our core values of freedom, responsibility, and self-determination.”

President Obama went on to speak about the expected economic benefits from the legalized cultivation of marijuana and hemp crops, as well as the positive fallout in terms of stability and peace in neighboring Central American countries.

“My humble hope is that today’s bold initiative will serve as an example for other nations throughout the world to follow.”

Neill Franklin, executive director of pro-legalization group Law Enforcement Against Prohibition, lauded the development as a “watershed moment for our country” and a “true validation” of his organization’s efforts.

Representatives from Delaware drug abuse treatment centers were also positive about this news, commenting that decriminalization will help health professionals and social workers focus on treatment and recovery.

The president’s speech was also met with overwhelming bi-partisan support, especially from House Republican leaders, who touted the plan for decreasing the influence of the federal government, boosting prospects of industrial growth, and protecting individual liberty. Even career DEA stalwart and drug czar Michele Leonhart did an about-face, citing “new and exciting opportunities” as well as a 6-week family vacation to Costa Rica and Guatemala.

US-based businesses are also preparing for the eventualities of decriminalized drugs and fully legal marijuana. Stock prices of snack manufacturer of Kraft Foods (NYSE:KFT) saw a spike in after-hours trading, and a new marijuana-smoking instructional book by publisher liberty books is slated to hit store in the upcoming days. Titled “My First Joint”, the tome is a comprehensive guide for both beginning and advanced tokers, and includes special instructions for Marijuana joints made from cigar leafs, as well as a special brownie recipe. An interactive companion iPad app is also expected for release, pending its review from the Apple App Store.

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